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Recurring Patterns In 
English Bay

Psychotherapy can help you when you suspect that you are repeating old patterns in your relationships.

Recurring patterns or themes in relationships typically happen outside our awareness, often unfolding gradually. This can make it difficult to detect how you contribute to these patterns, to understand underlying causes, and to work out how to change.

Common patterns that you may recognize include:

Placing others' needs and wishes before your own and acting in self-sacrificing ways or being overly concerned with keeping other people happy.

Placing exceedingly high expectations on yourself or others or a relationship, and frequently feeling disappointed and dissatisfied.

Being easily angered in relationships, finding that others readily "push your buttons", leading to frequent arguments.

Being drawn to people who mistreat or neglect you, or perpetually fearing that happening and experiencing frequent conflict around this theme.

Difficulty committing or trusting in relationships which can lead to an urge to distance yourself from others.

Being drawn to people who are out-of-reach or unavailable, either practically or emotionally.

Perpetually feeling that others do not meet your needs; feeling a chronic lack of empathy, support, or encouragement from others.

Fearing that others will abandon or reject you, which can lead to your sabotaging a relationship before the other person has a chance to leave.

Becoming overly dependent on others for emotional wellbeing or sense of worth and feeling unable to make decisions, go places, or undertake activities on your own.

Fearing betrayal and feeling jealous and possessive of significant others. which can lead to over-interpreting the meaning of innocuous events such as your partner talking to someone at a party.

A psychotherapist can help you to discover what patterns are at work in your relationships and how they play themselves out in your thoughts, feelings, and actions. With this knowledge you can then learn how to rework your patterns, and create new, healthier styles of interacting.

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Paintings courtesy of Ian Wallace,    Web site designed by Sonya Shannon.